Normal Colored Bread/PartOne/BlurbThree

*BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP*

I woke up startled. The clock beside me read 4:30. Keith Hanson was getting his clothes on. "WTF?" I asked the guy.

"I'm getting ready for school, foo. What you think I'm doing?" Hanson yawned. He was obviously very tired.

"Whatever." I whipped out my Epsilon and played more Ninja Pirate Robot Assault 4. The Boss of Bosses is on level 25. I was still on level 18. This was going to get tough...

As the clock turned 6:15 I put down my game, now on level 20, and walked with Hanson to the cafeteria to have breakfast. We joined Sarah at a vacant table somewhere to the left.

"Good morning guys!!1" she yipped extremely cheerfully, as if she was on Prozac. Or acid, either or. Hanson and I slid into our seats. Sarah's cell phone beeped.

"Hello? Oh, hi..." She talked on the phone for a few minutes. When she stowed the phone in her pocket, she said "Oh, that was just haiduc. He's this Romanian outlaw, you see, and he beeps girl's cell phones because he's brave. But he told me I should know he's not asking anything from me."

"I thought his name was Your Duke," Hanson replied, "and that he loved painting girls' names on the walls of his house."

Sarah responded, "No, Your Duke is an impostor. But - get this - some people actually believe that haiduc is actually the great artist Picasso! Isn't that so wonderful! I'm one of the people who does, by the way - " She stopped in mid-sentence as Hanson was making a motion. Standing in front of the trio was a short girl with short red hair and greenish eyes. Her badge indicated that she was a senior - but you could probably tell that anyway without the badge because she had that "look at me, I'm better than you" air to her. I assumed she was someone important - like a cheerleader or a homecoming queen or something.

"What the fuck do you want, Donnelly?" cursed Hanson bitterly.

"C'mon Hanson, that's no way to treat your Student Council President!" the girl replied, just as bitter. She even produced an official-looking ID card that had not only her name and grade level, but her office. Hanson's shock registered on his face, and it looked like the kind of shock that one might recieve if they inserted their tongue into an electrical socket. His mouth was gaped in surprise, his eyes glaring like lasers. I didn't get it, but obviously these two had lots of tension going on. I made a mental note to try not to interfere with this. "Oh," she added, "I gave away my bike last year. Sorry."

Student Council President. I mean, that's big. Anyone can be a president, but there was only one Student Council President, and she was standing over our table now. "And who might your little friends be, Hanson?" she asked. She then assumed an apologetic look and turned to us. "Oh - I'm sorry. I'm Hannah Donnelly, the new Subpar Preparatory Student Council President. I'd like to take a moment to welcome you."

"I'm Nathan Tanmuk and this is Sarah Kahn," I told her. We offered our hands out, and she shook them. It felt like a formal shake, as if she was simply going through the motions that she had gone through previously with at least 30 other freshmen.

After she had disappeared, Hanson growled, "That's the obnoxious Hannah Donnelly. I don't know what her problem is. She's popular and has all these friends and shit. I think she looks down on the rest of us that aren't quite at her social level. Lots of seniors and even some juniors do here. Suppose they need to make their already large egos even larger. I'm surprised there's enough room at Subpar for her ego and those of the other 10 to 13 seniors she hangs out with. I'd stay away from her if I were you. Unfortunately, not only is she Student Council President-" he gasped "- she's also the captain of Ninja House. That makes us at Pirate House her rivals."

I was confused. "What's with these houses and stuff?" I asked.

Hanson replied, "There's a competition between the four Houses: Ninja House, Pirate House, Werewolf House, and Vampire House. Don't worry, we're all human here. The mascots of the Houses are as follows: Captain Pie for Pirate House, Ninja Master Soundpost for Ninja House, Lone Werewolf for Werewolf House, and Q the Vampire for Vampire House. You might remember them from the old Pirate-Ninja War fairy tales. Anyway, the Houses compete through sports and spirit activities. Ninja House has won for the last two years, although we always beat them in YTMND-making tournaments, Ninja Pirate Robot Assault tournaments, and Internets battles. I suspect Donnelly there has something to do with that. I'm not surprised she's the Student Council's president. She has a knack for politics. If we weren't governed by a king, you might have met our future head of state."

Sarah raised a hand. "But I'm in Ninja House! Does that mean I'll have to play against you on the side of that girl?"

"I'm afraid so," Hanson said darkly. The bell rang.

We arrived, as a trio, to English class only to find Donnelly smirking at us. "WTF?" I whispered to Hanson. "She's in our class too?!"

"Yes. I said she's popular, not smart. I'm surprised all four of us are in the same class, in the same period, myself. It's almost as if Fate-" He stopped as a short, bald Instructor made a motion towards him.

"Hanson!" the Instructor barked. "Get seated and be quiet! Ah... I think I'll seat you next to Donnelly this year! That'll be sweet! As for you two...-" he looked at me and Sarah "-Lovebirds! Never could tolerate the concept of 'romance' myself! Romeo and Juliet get to take their seats at the opposite sides of the room! Ha ha ha ha!" The Instructor gave out a long, boring speech about his rules. No chewing gum, be silent at all times, etc etc. The bell rang. "-and tomorrow we'll be looking at How To Kill A Mockingbird!" the Instructor yelled excitedly as we exited. "No, no. Single-file line, please. Boy-girl-boy-girl. Hanson behind Donnelly, Kahn at the front, Tanmuk at the back!"

History class. "Now today," droned the History Instructor in her monotone voice, "we shall go over the rules one more time," where "one more time" meant "for the seventh time". When the bell rang, the History Instructor said tomorrow's lesson was something about nukes.

Maths. The same exact rules over and over again. Sarah and I were the only ones to pass the pop quiz. Yes. A pop quiz. On the first day. Most of the students seemed to have forgotten that pi is exactly three, instead giving a string of decimal places.

The day passed uneventfully. The three of us met again at lunch. This was the first in a series of unfort... um, I mean, a series of surprises.

"That English Instructor is mean, I know," said Hanson, snacking on a bag of Flamin Hot Cheetos. "But How to Kill a Mockingbird is a fun story to read."

"Well," said Sarah, "I'm sure it will get easier as it goes along."

A loud voice shouted "WRONG!!!" behind them. It was the English Instructor. "Actually, the year gets harder. Especially for you freshmen. Hanson and Donnelly have been here longer than you, and know what we expect and stuff. But if you think it'll get easy, you're WRONG!!!"

He turned to Hanson before leaving, "Oh, and if you call me names again, I'll deduct points from Pirate House. Not like it makes a difference - I'll make sure that Vampire House wins this year! Hahahaha!" He left.

Hanson felt a large object collide with his mohawked head. "Hey! Watch it!"

Sarah quickly hid both arms behind her back. "I didn't do it! I didn't do it!" I reached out and thrust the object from her hands. It looked like the scrollbar off a Windows operating system. I didn't use Windows that much, so I was surprised I remembered that.

Hanson was awed. "Is that... a Scrollbar Continuum?"

"Eh... no, it's actually a life-size replica," she admitted. "But look what I can do with it!" She scrolled up on the replica Continuum, and the thing shrank.

"What the fuck is that? Magic?" Hanson said.

"No, it's just... technology," said Sarah. "There's no such thing as magic, you dum-dum!" She laughed. I found myself laughing too. Pretty soon I found the Replica Continuum on my head. Hanson burst out laughing.

"And what," said Hanson, "do you do?" he asked me.

"Well, not much," I replied. "I learned a bit about Death Beams and Death Nuke Beams and things of the sort, and I can sort of do an Eye Beam." My eyes glowed.

"Hey hey! Cut it out, foo!" shouted Hanson. The bell rang.

We stood up and made our way through the hall. Fourth period for me was video game design, but before we could separate, a loud female voice called.

"Excuse me... I don't think I've seen you two before," she said to me and Sarah. "I'm June Asmar, your headmistress. Welcome to Subpar!" She smiled a smile that was too wide...

"Miss Asmar! Miss Asmar!" Asmar turned to see Donnelly speeding through the hall. She glared at us, a glare that felt like daggers or precision-point laser death rays, and then turned to the headmistress. "Miss Asmar, something unfortunate has happened! That planet we were talking about last night... the one we were going to make a major project about... it's not a planet anymore!"

Asmar silently digested this. "Donnelly, go to the Head Office and make an announcement. Fourth period is canceled." Donnelly stuck her tongue out at us, then dashed to the Office.

"Well, you heard me. Fourth period is canceled." She turned and walked away.

"There is something seriously fucked up about this story," muttered Hanson under his breath.

The three of us returned to Pirate House. Leo was there on my bed, sleeping. Sarah hugged him, jolting him from his catnap. "OMG OMG HE'S SO CUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!", squealed Sarah. "I WANT TO HUG HIM ALL NIIIIIGHT!" Hanson and I watched, dumbfounded.

I managed to wrest my cat from Sarah's grasp. Any longer, I thought, and he might have choked to death.

The nigritude ultramarine fell from my backpack. "Um... um... is this thing on?" said the nigritude ultramarine.

"What hell the fuck?" all three of us gasped.

"This is a recording," the nigritude ultramarine continued. "I have used a piece of nigritude ultramarine to build a Sound Recorder, so that I may relay my message. Anyway... Am I talking to three people? One prince, one spazzy girl, and one hidden-type dude? Ok, because I have something to deliver."

The recording continued in a majestic voice,

The brat has a video game

and was treated like a spoiled duck.

The girl wants "love",

but she's obviously out of luck.

The recluse pities the foo,

and I say: "What the fuck?"

"Eh...?" mumbled a confused Hanson. "What's that supposed to mean, sucka?"

"Let me try again," said the nigritude ultramarine.

The vigilance of a Knight of Meh,

to guide the young prince.

The joy of the spazzy girl,

to lift her friends' spirits.

The revered soul of Mr. T,

to pity the foos in their way

By their powers combined...

Only they can do the task,

And I suck at writing prophecies.

"A prophecy?" I asked. "But..."

Sarah and Hanson turned on me. "Prince? Knights of Meh? What the hell?"

"Never mind," I mumbled. "But what about the prophecy?"

The nigritude ultramarine said, "Ok, so apparently the prince is vigilant, the girl can make people happy, and the soul of Mr. T can pity the foo. But there's more... Each of you has/have some kinda dark secret(s) or something. Because it's my business to be vague and unclear, I'm not telling you what they are."

I noticed Hanson was looking distressed at the sound of this. "What's wrong, man?"

"There is only one foo I have yet to pity," said Hanson.

"My... my... my evil clone."