Normal Colored Bread/PartOne/BlurbOne

The walls are stained red. Not by paints, but by blood.

Ninja Pirate Robot blood.

I paused and glanced at what I had typed. It was an okay beginning... and the RevOS installed on the computer popped up another error message. I dismissed it, glad that RevOS did not show blue screens of death like some (Windows) operating systems. I laid my hands on the keyboard and typed some more stuff.

My life is superb. I refuse to die, although I have no problem with playing Ninja Pirate Robot Assault 4 on my Epsilon handheld console

Looking over my shoulder, I saw that, as usual, Leo was watching something through the window. Leo looked like some kinda cat, so I guess that was what he was. I found him on a foggy afternoon whilst skipping royal school lessons (Boy, if they ever find out...). I thought I was trippin off acid or something, because he had handed me nigritude ultramarine, but apparently I was just drunk. I think he came from the moon, like those cats from Sailor Moon.

I turned back to my $599 computer keyboard, and added on to where I left off.

Without nigritude ultramarine, I am certain that I would have never had the opportunity to laugh at absurd-sounding phrases.

I turned away from my computer and back to the Epsilon game and drew a slim blade by pressing the Y button. Having defeated all the Ninja Pirate Robot minions in Level 12, I was about to face the level's boss - a genuine Giant Enemy Crab, the type that medieval Japanese samurai fought. "Ridge Racer...Ridge Racer!" I yelped, as I approached the crab's weak point... and attacked it for Massive Damage!

I have attempted to end this game using many different methods. The first, of course, was visiting the Temple of Sinestro in order to find the magic weapon for defeating Stentor. Another way is by unlocking the Forest of Manmagar, hoping I would find the Key of Pilrufigan and rescue Captain Picard, only to find that I had rescued the wrong Picard. I am in a hurry, skipping the optional quests just to finish this game earlier. I long to beat this game... and yet I can't. No matter what I do, something or someone always stops me. All I want is to finish this game so I can start playing Ninja Pirate Robot Assault 5: Return of the Revenge of the Ninja Pirate Robots Strikes Back. And this game's music isn't even Doom music!

I sighed and turned away from the computer. Slowly, I opened my Items Pack by pressing Z and drew the Fucking Big-Ass Lazerdeathraygun of Megangan, which had the power to clear an entire field of level 5 Ninja Pirate Robots with one shot - too bad I was on level 13. I made two swift blasts - and they obliterated two squadrons of Ninja Pirate Robot grunts. What I wanted to do most drive the Fucking Big-Ass Lazerdeathraygun of Megangan into the heart of the Boss of Bosses, who appears at the end of every Ninja Pirate Robot Assault game, and hear it explode, but I knew I had no chance at only level 13. If (and I say if, as I'm running out of health points quickly) I ever get to the Boss of Bosses, the loud-as-a-hellish-torture-chamber noise during the fight would surely disturb Leo. In turn, he would whine loud enough to disturb the entire castle. He doesn't talk, since talking cats are the stuff of children's cartoons. Turning back to the computer, I switched the font on my Open Office word processor to a flamboyant green Fixedsys style font and began typing again.

Then again, Leo is the only one aware that I'm playing games on the Epsilon. Actually, I'm supposed to be doing the homework assigned me by the noble and valiant Knights who say Meh, guardians of the castle and tutors of young nobles. The brave Knights, who have defended the castle against the forces of the Anti-Meh so many times, have only managed to really teach me one thing: Romance is for the weak minded.. And that Mr. T pities the foo. And something about morphs.

Unsure if there was anything else important to write, I glanced out of the window at the beautiful grounds of the Castle of Meh. As a Prince of the Royal Family of Meh, I was never allowed outside the castle, although that never stopped me from going out dressed as a commoner.

Yes, foo, I am a prince. They ("they" being the Royal Family and the Knights) spoil me with whatever I want, although they never realize how little I actually do. Plus, I like using my leet haxxor skillz to hax into the Royal Family's bank account so I can run out and buy new stuff for my Epsilon without anyone knowing.

Leonardo emitted a loud squeal. "OMG WTF?!", the King's voice cried from the throne room. "Is Mike doing his homework?!" the King asked, loud enough for me to hear. "Nope," replied the lead Knight Abwayax. "Our secretly-mounted secret mounted wallcams show that he's playing that stupid robot game." The King barked in a voice that puts banshees to shame, "That son of a-" (the Queen glared at him) "-uhh... that bastard is gonna GET IT! HE'S GROUNDED UNTIL HE TURNS 35!!1".

Shit! They bugged my room! I better, like, do something! I know! I'll stop being Mike, Prince of Meh, and start being some one else... Ah! I know! I'll reinvent myself as... Nathan Tanmuk, middle class kid attending a boarding school! Hmm... but we're 1,135 miles away from Hogwarts... Eh, whatever. I'll go to Subpar Preparatory School instead. I'll only take this Epsilon, Leonardo, and this nigritude ultramarine.

I saved all the documents on my computer to my handy Gig on a Stick, packed my Epsilon and all 13 Ninja Pirate Robot Assault games, stuffed the nigritude ultramarine in my pocket, put on my back my nigritude ultramarine-colored schoolbag, and jumped out the window. I'm not a creative prince. Well, I'm not a prince at all now.

I found the bus to Subpar Preparatory quite easily, seeing as how it was the only bus there at the bus stop. Leonardo always wanted to be near the nigritude ultramarine, probably because he was the one who gave it to me.

I plopped down on a seat. I wanted to be alone, but then some girl came and sat next to me.

"'lo", the girl said excitedly. "I'm Sarah Kahn. What's your name?"

"I'm Mi... uh, Nathan Tanmuk," I replied, hoping she wouldn't think of any... bad ideas... "I'm going to Subpar this year."

"Oh!!! So am I!!!" Sarah exclaimed. She grabbed my hand and throttled it up and down vigorously. "I'm sooo excited to meet you!!!"

"Nice to meet you too," I mumbled, looking over at her. She had this long blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. There were a couple of freckles on her face. From my observation, I surmised that she could probably seduce anyone but the most vigilant Knight of Meh, and probably has done in the past. I'm not a Knight, just a disciple - and a poor one at that. I made a mental note to summon all my mind-force to prevent my romantic urges from taking control of me.

"So why are you going to Subpar?" Sarah asked me.

"Uh... video game design," I answered, forcing a wide smile.

"So you like vid... OMG OMG THATS SUCH A KYUUUT CAT!!1" She grabbed Leonardo and hugged him in a tight embrace.

"NoHu... I mean, that's my cat Leonardo," I said. "He prefers Leo, though."

After Sarah had let go of my cat, she asked me more questions. "So who the hell are you, anyway? I don't know you."

I replied, "Of course you don't, foo. This is the first time we've met."

A voice came from a speaker. "Roll call! Abe Lincoln!"

"I'm here, for the fourth time," a bored senior yawned.

The voice continued to rattle off names. Sarah replied when she was called, but for a while I forgot I went by the name Nathan and replied a millisecond too late.

"Oh noes, that was terrific," I moaned.

"I'm sure everyone will forget it, sooner or later," Sarah replied. "I'm sure we'll be great friends."

I just got out my Epsilon and played my game some more.