Normal Colored Bread/PartOne/BlurbFive

(As told through the perspective of Mike/Nathan, with no asterisks or tildes)

For a while, no one said anything. I broke the silence, however, when I entered level 23 and fought some evil miniboss.

"DIE!!1" I screamed.

Hanson raised an eyebrow. "You're still playing NPRA4? I finished Ninja Pirate Robot Assault 10: The Ninth Sequel last week!"

No one said anything for another hour.

Suddenly, a light emanated from the nigritude ultramarine. The light changed in shape until it resembled a man. The man stepped forward, looking as real as reality itself. He wore a uniform. The uniform was purely blue, apart from the white gloves on his hands and the white boots on his feet. His blond hair was combed to the back.

The illusory man pointed towards Hanson's golden chain. "May I see that jewlery for a moment?" he asked.

Hanson glared at him. "Who do you think you are, foo? You're nothing but a hologram, sucka!"

The technological phantom drew a gun. I couldn't tell whether he actually had a gun before; but he definitely did now. He raised the gun and zapped Hanson in the chest with a light weight energy blast.

"Hey!" yelled Hanson. "How'd the hologram foo do that?! He's not even a real foo!"

"Holograms are made of light", began the Hologram. "Concentrated densely enough and focused to a single point, light can also kill. People assume that they can pass through holograms as though they were thin air. The light that forms my hologram, however, is ten to fifteen times as dense as the light energy generated from Nathan Tanmuk's eye beams. Try to hit me and your skin will most likely be incinerated." He lowered his gun.

The Hologram took Hanson's golden chains and examined them. "Hmm... This is an Izwzyzxian device," he told the group. "Specifically, the Izwzyzxian Matter Synthesizer. Given any parameters, this creation will absorb a number of atoms from its surroundings and rearrange the subatomic configuration to produce a wholly new object. It can come in useful at times... but it cannot create excessively large objects. This is a limitation built into the Synthesizer to ensure minimum impact on the surrounding environment - we don't want atoms from nearby people or buildings to be synthesized into a spaceship or something!"

I asked, "Can it synthesize Mary Jane's Strategy Guide to Ninja Pirate Robot Assault 4?". The Hologram repeated the words I spoke to the Synthesizer (specifically, to the large "$" thing the chains were connected to), and a whoosh was heard. Materializing into existence right before the eyes of the group was a large, paperback book held by the golden chains. I took the book from the Synthesizer and looked at the cover. It was the strategy guide, alright, but...

"...Hey, this is the First Edition! There are four editions of this guide out!" I yelped. The Hologram blasted me with his gun, pushing me onto my bed.

"Anyway," continued the Hologram, "I'm the Captain. Well, I'm actually an Artificial Intelligence representation of the Captain's mind. I'm here to tell you a story..."

"Does this have anything to do with that batshit prophecy, foo?" Hanson asked. He recieved another blast in the gut.

The Captain glared. "I'm the Captain, not you! Don't interrupt! Anyway... Yeah. The story. It is the story of a world that will be, and in a way, is right now. For decades we were a world of Peace. Everyone got along with everyone else, the World Goverment was effecient at keeping peace - for the concept of Nation was well abolished by our Time."

I got up from my bed, still moaning from that laser blast. "Hey... Another world? WTF is this shit?"

The Captain didn't blast me. He figured I'd had enough of that. "What? You thought your cat materialized out of nowhere? Did you think he came from Fairyland? Or the Moon? No! He came from my world!"

"Now then. All of you shut up so I can continue. The name of my world is the Kappasphere. The Kappasphere and your world were once one timeline. However, Kappa and Gamma diverged to become two worlds on some important turning point. We believe that turning point occurs some time in 2010. Eh, that's straying too far off from the point."

"The Kappasphere is a futuristic utopia, about 100 years ahead of your world in both time and technological sophistication. Therefore, since the year here is 2005, it is 2105 in the Kappasphere. Computers the size of your eye have the strength of a thousand of your most expensive PCs. There is an increase in science done at the subatomic level, which allows us Humans to realize complete mastery of Nature through devices such as Hanson's IzzMolecSynth. We Humans had no need to keep around flora and fauna for practical purposes; they were kept as decoration mostly, since Humanity still prized Art and Beauty. IzzCorporation increased their monopoly and became involved in politics - the IzzConNet or Izwzyzxian Conspiracy Network is now majorly involved in politics - some say it actually ran the World behind the scenes once, and most of the goods we use are of Izwzyzxian manufacture. Humanity had realized complete and total control of the World, and by proxy, mastery of itself as a whole. Humanity and God were one - Humanity was God. Science and Peace together made the Kappaspherian Utopia possible. This was the true Golden Age of Humanity that we had sook for so long."

"However, the bad sides of Human Nature still showed through. When we expected the peak of our Golden Age, we found a new Dark Age instead. Piracy had made its return to the World, and as you know, the King of the Pirates was Captain Pie. The Dark Ages chronicled the breakdown of the Kappaspherian Utopia as it crumbled between fights between Pirates and Ninjas*. Captain Pie clashed with the Ninja Master Of Masters in a fight whose only real casualty was the peace and serenity of the Golden Age."

"The Pirate/Ninja Wars would have gone on forever if it weren't for the intervention of another, darker force. An unspeakably evil space overlord appeared in 2101 and captured all our base.I was aboard the ship he blew up. Well, the real me. Technically, I'm dead now. I asked CATS what he say, and he replied that we had no chance to survive make our time. I had enough time to take off every `zig` and move `zig` for great justice, but I fear the `zig` will not defeat CATS alone."

"We were on the way to destruction. Sooner than you could say 'LOL Internets', CATS had assumed total control of the Kappasphere. To this day, four years later, CATS is still the Tyrant Lord of Kappasphere."

"Before my death on the spaceship, I made arrangements for Leonardo to be sent to the Gammasphere with my AI embedded in a block of nigritude ultramarine. We come now, the people of Kappasphere, withered and crushed, to seek help from you three."

"So what do we do?" asked Hanson. "Foo's not gonna die on his own, you know. Also, WTF? How did your technology end up with me?"

"Honestly, I don't know," said the Captain. "Probably a result of a rift that CATS opened between the two Spheres. He's sending his men to follow me. I know it... CATS is up to something, and I don't know what it is. And that's why I don't like it one bit. Seriously though... We feel we made the right decision to contact you when our world was doomed. Do you want to help us or not?"

We agreed.

"For now," decided the Captain, "we'll have to stay in Gammasphere. I know CATS has sent some spies into Subpar. You may have met one."

* Note: This is not the Pirate/Ninja War depicted through the Pirate/Ninja Chronicles aka Captain Pie Stories. As I said, the Kappa and Gammaspheres were pretty much separated by the time that happened. Normal Colored Bread takes place in 2005, while Pirate/Ninja takes place later.