Imperial Grandwizards of the Great Word

The Imperial Grandwizards of the Great Word are basically the Knights who say Meh (and perhaps the Izwzyzxian Conspiracy Network too). In the FUTURE. They are awesome.

Power

The Imperial Grandwizards control the entire FUTURE universe, politically as well as economically. They have spread their ideals far and wide throughout their dominion. They have a complete monopoly on the Vespene Gas industry, produce all the GAMES everyone plays, and own all the additional pylons (which bitches don't know about). All the Preeminence in the universe is distributed uniformly among all Imperial Grandwizards, of which there are over 9000. They possess ALL of the universe's nuclear-style weaponry and use a super-army of over three hundred thousand bahmillion OP Bots to enforce their rule.

Intelligence

The Imperial Grandwizards are extremely smart. Their IQs are all at least 300. They know all the programming languages and know a hundred exploits for EVERY program ever written (except the ones written by themselves, which are 250% secure and bug-free). Some argue that 20q is more intelligent than the Grandwizards. This is blatant untruth; the only thing that can surpass the Grandwizards in anything is Teh Face.

Ideals

The Imperial Grandwizards have one Supreme Law: Sex is for the weak. This is a modified version of the present Knights' Golden Rule, Romance is for the weak-minded, meant to emphasize that sexual activity, of a romantic or non-romantic nature, from simple love letters to actual intercourse, must be FORBIDDEN everywhere in the universe.

Seven Deadly Sins

In addition, the Imperial Grandwizards emphasize the existance of Seven Deadly Sins, the punishment for which is death. ~~Most~~ All of the sins have a theme of weak-mindedness, and the first three are directly adapted from the original Trinity of No.

The First Sin: Anything sexual/romantic

The First Sin refers to anything that is sexual or romantic in nature. This is an expansion of NoHug.

The Second Sin: Transfiguration of the human body

The Second Sin refers to transformation of the human body, or anything that is a combination of human and inhuman organic elements. Basically, it's the futuristic version of NoMorph.

The Third Sin: Involving yourself with Apple Inc

The Third Sin refers to either:

Interfacing with a product manufactured by Apple
Doing anything that directly or indirectly benefits Apple

This is an extremist application of NoMac, here also applying to iPods, iPhones, etc.

The Fourth Sin: Stupidity

The Fourth Sin refers to stupidity. The need for idiots has long since passed, since all the manual grunt work is now done by robots. Stupid people are occasionally rounded up and exterminated in special death camps. However, since they are stupid (and weak-minded), they have no idea what is going on.

The Fifth Sin: Losing control of self to emotions

The Fifth Sin refers to any time you let yourself get carried away emotionally. Most people are conditioned to keep full control over their emotions, therefore, if this does occasionally happen, then you did something stupid, are obviously weak-minded, and therefore may be guilty of multiple sins.

The Sixth Sin: Bribery

The Sixth Sin refers to bribery. If one accepts bribes, then he/she must be weak-minded (even if the bribe in question is totally unrelated to sex), since he/she lets him/herself be controlled so easily. Both people involved in the brie are charged with the Sixth Sin and terminated.

The Seventh Sin: Untruths

The Seventh Sin refers to all forms of untruth. Most abhorred are false claims made to bolster one's fictional identity - that is, pretending to be something you're not. Lots of people got executed a while back because they thought they were awesome, which they were not (only The Imperial Grandwizards are capable of awesomeness).

Growth

The Grandwizards do not reproduce, as this goes against the Golden Rule. Instead, they simply clone themselves, while transferring their memories to the clone before death. This makes the Grandwizards essentially immortal. Throughout the FUTURE they have gained new members; while the Knights of Meh started off with four, as of the current FUTURE time the Grandwizards number in the over nine thousands.

Leadership

The Grandwizards have four leaders (Grandmasterwizards). The four Imperial Grandmasterwizards are always clones of the original four Knights who say Meh, and are as follows:

Other Important Grandwizards

The Grandwizards include many "important"-type people such as:

Teh Face
Colonial Man
haiduc
Mr.T
Ugoff
Ghost of Vegeta
Cell

Enemies

The Grandwizards have many enemies, but the most important are listed below:

Apple Inc

Apple Inc has become a mighty rebel empire, using Macs and iPods to enslave people's minds. The iGodlord of Apple, Steve Jobs, has made himself an uber cyborg dinosaur anthro with eye beams in an attempt to overthrow the Imperial Grandwizards. His second-in-command, Lord iEvil, was somehow able to break him from a minimum-security outhouse on Namek where he was being held. Evil Dinosaur Anthro iGodlord Jobs is still on the loose, and has a threat rating of 2/10 on the "Threat-o-meter" (derived from a device invented by Mr.T to measure how much pity a foo deserves).

Shiners

The Shiners are a terrorist organization co-founded by Alexis and Watermeleon shortly after the Imperial Grandwizards' ascension to power. The Shiners' main attack force is composed of Shinelings, who are the two founders' illicit inbred offspring (their legitimate children, if they have any, occupy important administrative positions). The Shiners is the only enemy of the Imperial Grandwizards who have a chance at all against the Grandwizards, but it doesn't make a bit of difference guys because their balls are inert. Despite the Shiners' lack of morals, they are surprisingly technologically advanced. The Shiners number almost 4,700,000,000, and their number is growing at an even more rapid pace than the Grandwizards', probably due to their lack of sexual morality. In addition, over an estimated 43% of Shiners have inhuman characteristics. They are also responsible for the production of 100% of the universe's orange bread.

Shiner ideals

Shiners believe in the exact opposite of everything the Imperial Grandwizards do. This makes them complete FAIL.

Allegiances

The Shiners have supposedly made an alliance with Apple Inc, who (we have herd) have promised to power their "ShinerNet" Global Networking Cyber-Network System with state-of-the-art quad-corps iProcessors. The Shiners also have a long-standing pact with AIDS, wherein the Shiners allow AIDS to spread through them to the rest of the universe, and in addition, AIDS gains them new converts. Rumor has it the Shiners also have in their employ the mysterious Dark Side hacker Crystal Mew. Htler also has the blessing of the Shiners. However, the Shiners consider Teh Kiddie too... kiddie.

Present-day connections

The name "Shiner" is thought to be derived from "Pokeshine". The short-lived organization The Knights of AGS are considered precursors to the Shiners.

Notes

It was once believed that Watermeleon was gay. This is untrue: he is in fact bisexual (Alexis, on the other hand, has always been known to be hyperseuxal (and/or bi-polar), and unfortunately she has passed on this characteristic to approximately 100% of Shiners).

Teh Kiddie

Teh Kiddie refers to Neopets, Marapets, Subeta, Nick Jr, and every other thing targeted to children too young to know any better. They are the weakest of the enemies, opposed not only by the Grandwizards but also by the Shiners (Apple just ignores them). They were extinguished pretty quickly. The only thing a member of Teh Kiddie did that was notable is Sportacus stealing the Cheetos recipe.

Child organizations

Izwzyzxian Conspiracy Network

Main article: Izwzyzxian Conspiracy Network

After the takeover of the universe, the ICN was established as the premier intelligence/spy agency, operated directly by the Imperial Grandwizards. Its functions remain roughly the same, as does its leadership.

Epic Army of Awesomeness

The Epic Army of Awesomeness is the militant branch of the Imperial Grandwizards, numbering in the bahmillions. They were responsible for many an EPIC takeover.

Imperial Grandwizards of the Great Word

Contents